I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
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