why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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