my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
This house was built for laser tag.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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