that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
