Need sex. Gaining weight.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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