i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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