im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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