Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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