im six kinds of drunk right now
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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