I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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