Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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