it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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