the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
