we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
