just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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