the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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