just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
