I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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