There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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