i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
