I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
