We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
