How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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