So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She bit a glass in half.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
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