So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
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Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
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THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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