you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
