Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
