if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
