Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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