i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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