I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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