Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
