i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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