The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
