The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
