I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
