I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
