Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
