i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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