apparently the secret to your success is patron
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
