i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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