i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
