I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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