even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
