A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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