Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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