we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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