Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
