ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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