You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
this hospital has no fireball
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Come on in and take your pants off
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