and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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