Screwed.edu
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
The best revenge is premature balding
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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