Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
