I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
