his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
