i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
