wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I have feelings that need drinking.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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