just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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