so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
