He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
