I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
You ate ashes out of my bong
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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