You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
