my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
