it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
