I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
