Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
