He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
