Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
