Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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