So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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