They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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