Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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