If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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