i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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