dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
