i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
