I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize