I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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