"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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