I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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