I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
