I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
