if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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