Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
