I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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